Everybody Hates Rogues [RIFT]

I’m sorry rogues, but we really don’t like you very much. You’re quick, you’re stealthy, and you have a penchant for leaving things lodged in our backs. Not to mention, what’s with all the shadow and smoke? 80s horror movie fan, are we? Here’s another thing, who wears leather these days? Again, I’m getting the sense that someone is stuck in the 80s. This just in: Patch 1.5 to add sleeveless-denim tunics.

All of that said, I rolled a Rogue last week and have pwned absolute face with it. If this is what leather pants gets you, I’m sold. (Though the dwarf has some serious muffin top).

Here’s how a day in his life goes.

NPC: Welcome, young rogue! I have a quest of epic propor—
Rogue: BAM! SLASH! Dead.

(Yes, he shouted it out with each step. If Emeril can do it, so can he).

I met a spider kindly writing my name in a dewey bit of web. Dead. I met a frail girl beset by goblins. Dead (after the goblins, of course). I met a mage in PvP. Yep. Dead.

I swear, there is nothing this fat little guy can’t kill, except for maybe Scott Hartsman. But then, if Dwarfie (yes, Dwarfie) is an Assassin, Scott Hartsman is like the Grand Assassin. He’s like Ezio with a bandanna and less hitch in his giddy-up.

Anyways, and I hope you’re sitting down, running the world with this little stealth bomber has also shown me just how much better Guardians have it than Defiants. They get color, and hills, and rivers, and caves. Defiants have a valley. And part of it is red. Seriously, Trion? Are you trying to make me go dwarf here? Because, you know, once you do dwarf, Defiants get wharfed. Or worfed, if you prefer.

Long story short, I have a gigantic cleric with two horns on his golden helmet, and I have a short, pudgy, ass-kickin’ rogue who would wipe the floor with him any time 35 levels from now. Yeah, he’s got some growing to do. Thankfully, there’s enough leather and denim to last me well into the next expansion pack.

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