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Everybody Hates Rogues [RIFT]

I’m sorry rogues, but we really don’t like you very much. You’re quick, you’re stealthy, and you have a penchant for leaving things lodged in our backs. Not to mention, what’s with all the shadow and smoke? 80s horror movie fan, are we? Here’s another thing, who wears leather these days? Again, I’m getting the sense that someone is stuck in the 80s. This just in: Patch 1.5 to add sleeveless-denim tunics.

All of that said, I rolled a Rogue last week and have pwned absolute face with it. If this is what leather pants gets you, I’m sold. (Though the dwarf has some serious muffin top).

Here’s how a day in his life goes.

NPC: Welcome, young rogue! I have a quest of epic propor—
Rogue: BAM! SLASH! Dead.

(Yes, he shouted it out with each step. If Emeril can do it, so can he).

I met a spider kindly writing my name in a dewey bit of web. Dead. I met a frail girl beset by goblins. Dead (after the goblins, of course). I met a mage in PvP. Yep. Dead.

I swear, there is nothing this fat little guy can’t kill, except for maybe Scott Hartsman. But then, if Dwarfie (yes, Dwarfie) is an Assassin, Scott Hartsman is like the Grand Assassin. He’s like Ezio with a bandanna and less hitch in his giddy-up.

Anyways, and I hope you’re sitting down, running the world with this little stealth bomber has also shown me just how much better Guardians have it than Defiants. They get color, and hills, and rivers, and caves. Defiants have a valley. And part of it is red. Seriously, Trion? Are you trying to make me go dwarf here? Because, you know, once you do dwarf, Defiants get wharfed. Or worfed, if you prefer.

Long story short, I have a gigantic cleric with two horns on his golden helmet, and I have a short, pudgy, ass-kickin’ rogue who would wipe the floor with him any time 35 levels from now. Yeah, he’s got some growing to do. Thankfully, there’s enough leather and denim to last me well into the next expansion pack.

6 comments

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  1. Bronte

    You sir need to read this: http://www.riftwatchers.com/2011/08/22/everybody-hates-rogues/

    It was put up, oddly, around the same time you put up this post!
    Bronte recently posted..Quote of the Day: “The Lack of an Entertaining MMO” or “Syncaine Hits the Spot”

  2. Bronte

    That guy has your writing style, uses the same photos, and even the same exact words… you would think he was plagiarizing! :P
    Bronte recently posted..Quote of the Day: “The Lack of an Entertaining MMO” or “Syncaine Hits the Spot”

    1. Chris

      I have contacted my lawyers and they say I have a good case. Unfortunately, the settlement would be financially damning :-)

  3. Depharmbinus

    Not everyone hates rogues. Obviously the developers love them (and probably play them) or they wouldn’t be little leather clad deities running around. Love the last picture, too. lol

  4. Green Armadillo

    I still like the stealth pig build (Ranger/Assassin so your pet can hold aggro while you stealth in and backstab repeatedly). This is why normal MMO’s don’t let stealth classes have a tanking pet. :)
    Green Armadillo recently posted..Vacation News Roundup

  5. Scary Worlds

    I just started playing my rogue assassin at level 47 and he is awesome. I do switch back to ranger/bard build for quick healing. I’m sure my builds are all screwy because I don’t look at cookie cutter builds. I just make it up as I go. Great write up btw.
    Scary Worlds recently posted..SWTOR Launch Day Riots

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