Guest Post: Real men use shotguns

Today we’re happy to bring you a guest post by a great friend of mine, Mike, or MShady. He’s been gaming for years, and writing the whole time, but today is his first step into the world of blogging. Welcome Mike! Enjoy his article.

So this is the part where I guy you’ve never heard of tries to establish his bona fides with his gaming resume to justify even writing something. So here I go! If only to honor the form.

Having played First Person Shooters (FPS) since the original Doom and Wolfensteins all the way to the Battlefield Games, Modern Combat, Left for Dead and Fallout 3, I have noticed one recurring theme in how I play and what I use.


They make zombies explode. They send Combine flying. They send robots crashing. They sends guys running around all over a Battlefield map into shock.

I love them.

Whenever you’re in anything approaching close quarters or a blind ambush point, they’ll kill just about everything dead.

Doing massive damage at close range is the way I like to roll. I’m also less likely to frag myself. If I have the ammo, I’d never pull a pistol, missile or rocket out when I put some slugs into someone. The simple, brutal, effectiveness is always effective.

It does not seem to matter what FPS you play, they seem to work the same without exception. In some cases you can even get some special ammo, like the Most Excellent game BioShock. Sure, you may shoot off all of your ammo in a few a seconds and have to back pedal! But how often is your foe even still standing at that point? Give me a little space against big, nasty foe like a Big Daddy, and I’ll move around in a circle and blast it to scrap. Or whatever a Bid Daddy really is. I was a little unclear about that, but I borrowed their suit. I guarantee you that in any FPS, you’ll have room to maneuver for a boss creature.

You have to reload anyways. Reload with something more fun!

The Shotgun, I phrase it like that because they’re all the same and glorious, is at its apex in Fallout 3. When you can go into VATS and do a point blank head shot in “slow mo”, nothing’s better at close range. For those who have not experienced Fallout 3, it’s a giant sandbox of carnage in post-nuclear Washington DC. Or maybe post-Marion Bary Washington D.C.? It’s hard to tell the difference sometimes. But it’s by Bethesda and if you don’t know who they are, you’re missing out.

PS – your gamer credentials are hereby revoked until you at least look them up!

It’s not just the fact they do massive damage. With so many games, from the Resident Evils, FEAR or Fallout to Half Life and Mass Effect you, you’re always faced with the “Big Boo”. Something big and scary, or small, fast, scary and in your face the fact you can knock them all down really fast. Hell, you barely have to aim the things! Does that make a nice 12 gauge shotgun my favorite binky? Absolutely!

When I’m alone in the dark, nothing makes you feel better because you KNOW if something pops out of a hole, a nice combat shotgun is the Internet’s best way to play “Whack-a-mole”

For all the twitch gamers out there, put down that automatic rifle! It’s great if you can out twitch a cheetah or a South Korean teenager (same thing), but you have to make every shot count. If you can’t, well just hit something and you’re golden.

Instead of spraying a clip all over the place against a close range, moving target and feeling like you’re trying to shoot pool with a rope, just get into the general area and BLAM. Someone’s going to be a rag doll, and it isn’t going to be you. For those of you NOT twitch gamers, and nothing

NOT a shotgun

NOT a shotgun

against them but I’m not either, it’s a great equalizer in close quarters. To throw out a dirty word here, “camping”, it’s great for that too. Wait for someone to walk by your flag or whatever and they’re getting a lead tattoo. Again, they’re going down. Think about how many times you’ve emptied a clip and hit nothing but air, or just not downed someone? You weren’t just shooting at Neo from the Matrix, unless you were playing Matrix (but that’s no excuse!). Us shotgunners don’t have that problem as often.

Here’s why only real men use shotguns though. It takes nerve. It takes the nerve to get in close to something. The nerve to shoot, back peddle a bit while you reload and maybe finish it. My most heart pounding memories with a lot of these games are all about that.

They may not be sexy, unless Mira Jovoich is packing it along with some leather chaps and attitude, but if you’re anywhere approaching close quarters they’re the gun for you. So put down that rifle and pick up that dusty shotgun.

One shot, one kill. Oh, what a thrill! Walking in a Shotgun wonderland.

Oh yeah. There’s nothing better than taking out a sniper with a shotgun. Shotgunners versus Snipers are a lot like Pirates and Ninjas. We just don’t get along. We’re both sneaky. We’re both nervy. We can both take you out with one shot. Us shotgun types are just real men (or women). You know we’re coming and YOU still went down. Nothing better than that.

This particular shotgun skill has real life applications too. It’s called deer hunting. For those of you good at hitting moving targets, duck hunting or at least trap shooting may be good for you too. Get outside once in awhile. It’s good for you. Just leave the shotgun at home if you’re going shopping!

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